GUEST OPINION

By Artie Leary

It's election time again in the United States, which means the American people must choose from a wealthy group of blowhards and pick the best one to lead our country for the next four years. This time around the decision is an important one because the economy is, according to some experts, on the verge of a recession, Al-Qaeda is apparently as strong as it was prior to Sept. 11, we have a war that we can't seem to get out of and our deficit is enormous.

Right now we need a leader that can tackle all these issues and clean them up simultaneously. That is why I watch the debates and listen to the candidates. It is in these debates and through their promises that I can make the most informed decision. Because, as we all know, presidential candidates never lie to the American people.

Below are some of the campaign promises that have been made within the last couple weeks.

I think we should all take these into consideration when voting for the next president of the United States of America.

Mike Huckabee promised that anyone who votes for him will go directly to heaven because he is the most religious candidate and, therefore, the one God trusts the most.

When President Bush was informed that Mr. Huckabee "won Iowa" the president was heard complaining that all the American flags were going to need to have one star removed "now that Huckabee owns Iowa." Apparently Mr. Bush didn't understand the election process.

Barack Obama promised that if he is elected president he will bring a new feeling of youth to this country. He promised that an 80-year-old will feel like they did in their teens. Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, an 80-year-old would have been suffering through the Great Depression in their teens. Is that what he meant?

Hillary Clinton has gone so overboard on her promise to bring about change that she has promised to actually move the entire country closer to the equator so that the United States will be known as "The Tropical Nation." I'm not sure that's even possible. but if anyone can raise money for the effort it's the Clintons.

Rudy Guliani made the best campaign promise. He has said that if he gets elected president anyone who pays alimony will be qualified for his new "Marriage Amnesty Bill" where all previous marriages will be literally erased and no more alimony payments will have to be made.

One odd campaign promise came from Mitt Romney. His promise is that if he is elected president of the United States that there will be a national dress code and that all men must now where slick suits and fashionable ties. All men would also have to die the hair just over their ears gray in order to display wisdom beyond their years. Personally, I think Mitt may have lost his mind.

I still think the best way for us to choose the right candidate would be to have a "Jeopardy!" tournament. Can you imagine how easily it would have been to expose George W. Bush if we had used this method last election?

Alex Trebec: Answer is the Bill of Rights.

George W. Bush: What is the opposite of the Bill of Lefts?