Advanced SearchViolence in the home is deeply rooted in a family’s culture and it takes a real effort for a woman to free herself and her children from the cycle.
 Maria Dolores Losoya, deputy director of the Way of the Heart Promotora Institute, hugs a survivor at an Oct. 16 conference on domestic violence. |
Nurtured in their faith, the speakers emphasized that God does not want families to suffer. Maria Dolores Losoya, deputy director of the Way of the Heart, appealed to churches to aid women who suffer from domestic violence.
She introduced a local survivor who described how her husband belittled her in front of the children. “My opinion didn’t count,” the woman said.
When her husband beat her and failed to provide enough food for the family, “I almost lost my life,” she said. Her journey out of her violent home began when she confided in Losoya, she said. Together, they sought God’s guidance as she worked to extricate herself from a 20-year marriage.
Don’t judge
“It’s important to empathize and not judge,” Losoya said. “They (victims) have to go on their own efforts.”
Violence is inculcated in its victims, said Alma Bazan, a local advocate who used to host a program on Christian radio station KNOG. “It’s very difficult for us to recognize that this violence is damaging.”
Frustration
Parents may abuse their children because they are frustrated and out of control, Bazan said. Their children may grow up thinking that domestic violence is normal.
“A mistreated child - will become a very serious problem for the whole society,” Bazan said. In reading about famous criminals, she discovered that “all of them came from destructive homes.”
Although he wasn’t on the list of speakers, the sports supervisor at the Parks and Recreation Department stood up to address the audience.
“Real men take responsibility for the problems in the family,” Jesus “Bibby” Bolivar said. Instead of blaming their wives, they look in the mirror and say, “I am the problem.” Attendees also heard from Magdalena Perea, who operates a domestic violence shelter in Nogales, Sonora.
Bazan urged women who feel trapped in a violent home to seek professional help. “Si, se puede (Yes, you can) succeed,” she said.
Counselor Manuel Lopez from Nogales, Sonora, repeated that advice.
“Never give up seeking help,” he emphasized.
Lopez grew up in a violent home in Sinaloa, Mexico, and he understands the feelings of hate and depression that many abused women experience, he said.
Sometimes women come in and want to resolve problems in an hour that took 20 years to develop, Lopez said. “This we can’t do. It takes a process of several months.”
If she can’t afford counseling, a woman should tell him so he can work out a way for her to get help, Lopez said.
Ultimately, “the only one who can heal us from violence is Jesus Christ,” said Lopez, who volunteers with First Baptist Church in Nogales.
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Comments
Against DV wrote on Oct 22, 2009 12:36 PM:
Instead of critizising, what I would say is to pray to God for the strength to take action, to take that first step whether it would be calling 911, leaving the home, taking away the children.
Pray, but realize that prayer by itself may not always lead to a solution. "
Advocate wrote on Oct 21, 2009 11:30 AM:
Against DV wrote on Oct 20, 2009 6:07 PM:
Nothing against faith, praying and hoping, but people in a violent relationship would benefit more from guidance to take action. Call the police, seek legal help, look for shelter and leave the relationship.
An unfortunate result is that the more the person being attacked sits around taking it, the more other victims, such as the children, have to put up with violent and dangerous behavior.
There are a lot of people who do good work in our community to help victims get out of dangerous situations. Congatulations to the ladies from SEABHS who along with MAXIMA radio have put out a lot of Public Service Announcements by Law Enforcement, Legal Aid, SEABHS, County Attorney, Sheriff's office and the Santa Cruz County Coordinated Response Team against Domestic Violence urging victims to TAKE ACTION!, Do not put up with Violence!, The solution is in YOUR HANDS! There are consequences for the aggressors ( just ask Law Enforcement, County Attorneys and the Court system) Please urge them to do this. Prayers will certainly help, but God helps those who help themselves. "
Courage wrote on Oct 20, 2009 5:49 PM:
anonymous wrote on Oct 20, 2009 1:35 PM: